Author: ChristianWorks

Pepperdine Lecture Marks 19 Years of a Grief Journey

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By GriefWorks Director Larry M. Barber, LPC-S, CT

This month of May I have the privilege of addressing a class at the Pepperdine Lectureship.  The topic will be “Love Never Dies: Embracing Grief with Hope and Promise” the name of my  published grief survival guide.  In attendance for my class will be my 30-year-old son Christian, my 28-year-old daughter Sarah and my brother Jason.  I think it will prove to be a meaningful and emotional anniversary of my family’s personal losses of my wife and daughter nineteen years ago.

Anniversary dates in grief are significant for many reasons.  They mark the passage of time in the journey of grief, but these anniversary dates can also mark progress and change in the grief experienced and change in the mourner.  Anniversary dates, birthdays, holidays and other special days in grief bring with them each time they are experienced a sense of dread, sadness, and all the emotions that come with the harsh, piercing reminders that your loved one is not physically present with you.

The month of May each year for me contains an overwhelming list of reminders that my beautiful wife Cindy and my adorable daughter Katie are not and cannot be physically with me.  May 1 is Katie’s birthday.  May 9 is Cindy’s birthday.  Then there is Mother’s Day each year reminding me that my two surviving children are still missing their mother.  But the count of difficult days for me doesn’t stop with just those days.  May 15 is the day of the accident that took Katie’s and Cindy’s lives.  May 15 is also the date of Katie’s death since she died instantly in the crash. Two days later May 17 my wife Cindy died in surgery.  May 19 marks the annual anniversary of the double funeral for my wife Cindy and my daughter Katie.  Needless to say, the month of May is difficult for me and my children.   I would be happy if May could be removed from the yearly calendar permanently.

As time goes by these anniversary dates in May still carry with them emotional pain and spiritual struggle that simply come from missing valuable people.   My grief is different now, but it is still painful and it is still a struggle although it changes with the passage of time.  I never expect my grief to become completely easy.

I do not know how my endurance of the anniversary month of May is helping me to heal, but I just have to trust that it is healthy and healing.  I never want to quit loving Cindy and Katie.  Therefore, I will never quit expressing that love as grief as long as I am not in their physical presence.

Time in grief is a strange thing.  For me the 19 years since the deaths of my daughter Katie and my wife Cindy can sometimes seem like forever.  But many times when memories hit me and grief outbursts take place, it seems like the losses just happened yesterday.  What keep me going on are my faith and my hope that we will be reunited.  I have a feeling that when the reunion of my family takes place that time, the time spent in grief, and that the exhausting experience of grief itself will not matter anymore.

What I wish for you as a fellow mourner is that you can find hope and promise that will sustain you for the full grief journey especially during difficult days.  Grief is never easy, but with the right support, coping skills and good information, it can become easier.  I want you to find hope that your grief journey will not always be like it is right now-overwhelming and all-consuming.   I also want you to experience that you do have the promise of being supplied with all the resources-including people, information, support and comfort-that you will need to successfully get through grief.

For help for grieving children in GriefWorks, the free grief support service for ages 5-18 contact Janet Johnston at 972-960-9981 or jjohnston@christian-works.org .

For grief counseling appointments contact Laurie Gaddy at 972-960-9981 or lgaddy@christian-works.org.

To purchase a copy of Love Never Dies: Embracing Grief with Hope and Promise go to  Amazon or Barnes and Noble.

“Good Vibrations”

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As a staff member at ChristianWorks for Children, you have a sweet window into people’s generosity, and you get to see them give of their time, of their treasure, and of their talents…and the results are powerful…especially when everyone participates.  The blessing of our friends and partners was especially evident this past week as we saw how God would use each person for His purpose as they joined forces with ChristianWorks.

Last Thursday was the official beginning of “auction season”!  Fifty-four people gathered together, most of them volunteers representing their respective church congregations, to learn all the details of this year’s Celebrate The Children Auction, scheduled for October 6th at the Hilton Anatole Hotel.  Our theme is “Good Vibrations” where we’ll be celebrating everything fun about the 60’s.  The kick-off evening began when “Bubbles,” a 1965 vintage Airstream arrived, complete with bubbles and music, and yummy cupcakes were distributed to our guests from her serving window.

The “fun” will continue on auction night when we are joined by Mike Williams, an inspirational entertainer who has made millions of people laugh, but who has a life story that will leave all of us marveling at the grace and mercy of God.

Our hope is that you will mark your calendars and make plans right now to join us for this special night that will benefit the children and families served through the ministries of ChristianWorks for Children.

Volunteer and giving opportunities abound over the next five months as we plan and prepare for the auction.  To learn more about how you might help, please contact Carol Pauley at cpauley@christian-works.org or 972-960-9981.

Life’s Storms

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Last week’s storms and tornadoes seemed to roll in quickly and were unexpected by most. In my community the storms came and left while most children were still in school. Some people were paralyzed with fear while others immediately began to find ways to help, support and give comfort to those who were frightened and may have experienced loss.  I heard a story of a man who as the storm was passing out of our community immediately headed to the preschool at his church to check on and help the kids, parents and teachers. Many of the parents had arrived just before the storm hit and chose not to leave until the storm had passed. They sought shelter and safety in the hallway of the church building along with their children. Nearly every car in the parking lot was seriously damaged and glass was everywhere but thankfully there was no injury or loss of life. This man was able to help with clean up and by his presence gave many a since of security, protection and peace. In the communities hardest hit by the storm we heard story after story of people coming in to help immediately following  the storm with clean up and providing for the physical needs of the families who suffered loss during the storm.

As I thought about these storms, I was reminded that life will always be uncertain. Storms can come at any time in many forms which can dramatically change our lives. For some people the storms come in the form of loss of health, a death of a family member, loss of a relationship, to name just a few. Our hope and prayer at ChristianWorks is that we can help and walk along side those experiencing life’s storms. If you need counseling or we can help you through the support of GriefWorks, KidWorks  or AdoptionWorks please call us at (972)960-9981.

John 16:33

33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”