Alcoholism and sexually oriented businesses
by Shawn Boggs, LMFT    

Children whose parents are dependent on drugs and/or alcohol will likely learn three unhelpful habits to handle life's challenges.  These three habits are attempts to reduce the uncertainties of life, but ironically complicate the lives of all family members.  When this happens, the entire family develops an alcoholic identity, not just the drinker(s).  These habits remain intact from childhood into adulthood and lay the groundwork for women who enter sexually oriented businesses.  

Short-term problem solving emphasizes avoiding painful or stressful events by drinking, but costs family members their needed long-term growth.  Education, the development of social skills, etc. can be ignored or minimized.  This greatly harms the needed development of children and adolescents.  The void leaves such adolescents unprepared for many aspects of life as adults.  Sexually oriented businesses utilize the same erroneous ideas.  They offer the hope of quick cash to women from such families.  The result is continuing to put off what needs to be done for tomorrow in favor of immediate gratification.

The daily routines of families with an alcoholic identity are a second problem.  All families have daily routines from mealtimes, bedtimes, completion of chores and homework, etc.  Children whose family member drinks has his or her daily routines revolving around the drinker.  Drinking receives an elevated status and therefore becomes natural for women to choose when entering sexually oriented businesses.  The people they befriend, their sleeping habits, and several other routines revolve around drinking.  This problem worsens when drinking becomes a means to medicate herself due to the degrading nature of sexually oriented businesses.

The third is rituals and ritual interruptions.  Like daily routines, all families have rituals.  We tend to think of celebrations and holidays as rituals.  Christmas, New Year's Eve, St. Patrick's Day, birthdays and other rituals drown as intoxication punctuates and dominates such events.  In a sexually oriented business, every night is a party and thus a reason for the women who perform these services to be intoxicated.

Helping women leave sexually oriented businesses can include relearning these three coping mechanisms.  Learning to tolerate temporary pain for long-term personal growth is vital.  Protégés should weigh the costs for putting off long-term growth as well as the rewards in long-term planning.  They can also be encouraged to develop a well thought out mission.  Routines can be centered on her mission so all of her actions can be seen as progress toward a new life.  Rituals can be given real meaning so there are events to celebrate with purpose and passion.

For all people, the quality of our lives comes down to how well we manage our anxieties.  We all make poor choices at times because our anxieties get the best of us.  Women leaving sexually oriented businesses have more anxiety than most.  For them to stop drinking is to willingly open themselves up to uncertainties without the comfort and medication that a bottle provides.  This will increase their anxieties at first, but pay off as time goes on.  I am impressed with their resilience, strength and hunger for a better life.  They need our support and prayers and really our admiration for still being so hopeful. 

The three unhelpful coping mechanisms and how an alcoholic family identity can form are from the book, The Alcoholic Family by Peter Steinglass et. al., 1987.

Back to related articles